It’s been over 6 months since I returned to the UK, and before I go on any further I’d like to apologise for a couple of things first.
1. I’ve neglected my blog since my return. That’s partly due to my readjustment back home, but for the most part it’s down to the fact that I’ve just not mustered the courage to express my thoughts or feelings – in both mind and writing.
2. I apologise for being a hypocrite. I’ll explain more about that later…
I’ve experienced a whirlwind of emotions since returning. The struggle to integrate back into ‘normality’ and not having a stable idea of what I’d like to do was starting to take its toll. This lead to a series of actions, with the most prominent being my return back to my hometown.
I’ve not lived at home since I was 18, and believe me when I say that returning felt like a huge step back. Not only had I crashed landed, I had no idea which direction to go, never mind knowing if it was the right one.
During my travels I felt like I was beginning to discover some purpose to my life. My mind wandered what my life would be like when I returned to the UK, how different it’d be, how I’d choose to make things better.
I was adamant that I didn’t want to return to an office job; everything about that environment felt so alien to me. The office politics, the management, the rules. Just the idea of conforming felt so damn wrong.
I was adamant that I did not want an office job. But what did I land several months after furiously job searching?
You guessed right. An office job.
And for that reason ladies and gents, I am a hypocrite.
Why? Because all those thoughts and feelings I gained through my travels were dashed aside the moment I accepted the role. I chose financial gain over my own purpose, choosing ‘anything’ rather than ‘focusing’ on what I know would be best for me.
At this moment in time, I’m either mentally kicking myself at the situation I’ve tangled myself in, or just laughing at the sheer irony I’ve created.
I have to admit that it’s not all bad though. Being at home does have its perks, and I’ve used this opportunity to spend time with my family and engaging in old hobbies. It’s easy to dwell on the negatives in life, and although it’s easier to moan and do nothing about it, I’m using this life lesson as a base to figure my next movements.
Since I’ve started commuting to work, I’ve used this valuable time to note down my thoughts and ideas. I even bought a note pad, that’s how serious I am! There’s something satisfying about writing my thoughts on paper – like the words I’ve written have a greater chance to be turned into reality.
I’ve decided to create a 5 year plan, which outlines a rough guide on the goals and ideas I’d like to achieve. My goals aren’t concrete, nor do they intend to be ‘do everything on this list or nothing at all’.
I’m just focusing on myself, getting to know who I am, and figuring how to maximise my chances of creating a sustained, happier life. And for now, that’s all folks.
Thanks for reading ♥